I had a bad moment earlier this week. I woke up and realized we are DAYS away from baby H’s due date. He will literally be here any day now. Am I ready for this? It’s going to hurt. I’m terrified of needles. Hospitals freak me out. Am I going to be a good mother? Will I suffer from postpartum? A million questions popped in my head. They were all very negative. I realized, this is satan. He is attacking my mind. I have been doing so well throughout this entire pregnancy. I haven’t posted about our difficulties in getting pregnant yet because every time I try to write it out, I get very emotional. I will post it sometime soon. Getting pregnant was not easy. Once I became pregnant I was really scared to get too attached in case something happened to the baby. Throughout all of this, I have been able to remain positive. Through the physical and emotional pain I have kept a smile on my face. I have held my head up and told myself “You can and will do this.” God answered our prayer in a huge way with this precious little boy. I’m already so in love with him. I can’t wait to meet him, but I’m terrified of the delivery coming up. I have had so many mixed emotions. In one way, I am so past ready for him to be here. We have been preparing for his arrival for months. In another way, I’m sad that this chapter of my life is closing. We will never be a family of two again. I will miss being able to hop in the car and drive to the beach on a whim. I will miss our alone time. As this chapter closes, I am reminded of God’s unfailing love and faithfulness to us even when we are not always faithful to him. I’ve been reading Philippians 4:6-7 over and over which says:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This has given me much comfort over the past couple of days. While I am still very nervous and anxious about the delivery, I know everything will be fine. I have an amazing doctor and several L&D nurse friends who will be up there. I know I will be well taken care of. Most importantly, I know my son will be taken care of. I know he will be healthy and I can’t ask for more than that. Mommy can’t wait to meet you, Hampton!!