I had a bad moment earlier this week. I woke up and realized we are DAYS away from baby H’s due date. He will literally be here any day now. Am I ready for this? It’s going to hurt. I’m terrified of needles. Hospitals freak me out. Am I going to be a good mother? Will I suffer from postpartum? A million questions popped in my head. They were all very negative. I realized, this is satan. He is attacking my mind. I have been doing so well throughout this entire pregnancy. I haven’t posted about our difficulties in getting pregnant yet because every time I try to write it out, I get very emotional. I will post it sometime soon. Getting pregnant was not easy. Once I became pregnant I was really scared to get too attached in case something happened to the baby. Throughout all of this, I have been able to remain positive. Through the physical and emotional pain I have kept a smile on my face. I have held my head up and told myself “You can and will do this.” God answered our prayer in a huge way with this precious little boy. I’m already so in love with him. I can’t wait to meet him, but I’m terrified of the delivery coming up. I have had so many mixed emotions. In one way, I am so past ready for him to be here. We have been preparing for his arrival for months. In another way, I’m sad that this chapter of my life is closing. We will never be a family of two again. I will miss being able to hop in the car and drive to the beach on a whim. I will miss our alone time. As this chapter closes, I am reminded of God’s unfailing love and faithfulness to us even when we are not always faithful to him. I’ve been reading Philippians 4:6-7 over and over which says:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This has given me much comfort over the past couple of days. While I am still very nervous and anxious about the delivery, I know everything will be fine. I have an amazing doctor and several L&D nurse friends who will be up there. I know I will be well taken care of. Most importantly, I know my son will be taken care of. I know he will be healthy and I can’t ask for more than that. Mommy can’t wait to meet you, Hampton!!
Aww, I'm sure it's totally normal to have the emotions you're feeling. Just know it'll all be worth it once sweet Hampton is in your arms. You can do this girl!
I hear you on the emotions that come along with the unknown of parenthood and what it holds. My drive home last night from school consisted of full-on sobbing because of the fear that I won't be able to give my child my best with all that my job is requiring of me. You are in my prayers as your due date approaches.
I totally understand your fears and your insecurities! I definitely experienced that while waiting for baby E. I had no idea what to expect or how everything was going to play out in terms of labor and delivery. This is the verse that God gave me early on in our pregnancy, James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." God's gift is amazing and all the worries you had will melt away when you hold Baby H in your arms! 🙂 Seriously the labor and delivery will happen one way or another and that's not anything you can really control but just focus on the GIFT and God will see you through 🙂
Praying for you, your husband, and baby H!
You are experiencing what every FTM experiences. I remember the week before Coraline was born, laying on the couch with my husband and bawling at the thought of never having a moment like that again. Now that she is here, is better than just us two. Now we all cuddle together. 🙂
I suggest getting a few things together before your little precious boy arrives like a sitz bath or healing after birth bath. Witch hazel/water diaper ice packs or padsicles. I made a list of 1st week essentials that helped me on my blog.
You got this girl! You are doing what God gave your body the ability to do. It may hurt a bit, but in hindsight its such a blur and your body will not develop a baby bigger than you can handle. 🙂
These mixed emotions are completely normal. But with God..you've got this! I was terrified. I had never stayed in a hospital. Never had any type of surgeries. And am still scared of needles, etc. But I'll never forget while in triage in excruciating pain, another patient on the other side of the curtain said, 'it will all be worth it when it's over, I promise'. Also, when labor started I didn't think too far ahead. I focused on 1 step at a time…that helped me tremendously from becoming overwhelmed.