I’ve been in a huge…. funk lately. I guess that is a good word for it. Since the passing of my close friend, I’ve gone through so many emotions. I’ve been so angry at times, relieved he is no longer in pain, so so sad, and praising God that he took him home to sing and play the piano again. I know that I have a permanent angel who is looking over all of us now, but I can’t help missing him. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time. I know that it will get better with time. I know the sick feeling will go away, but it hasn’t yet. I can’t believe I won’t get to hear him sing again. My heart is hurting so much for his wife.
I don’t know if this sadness has come through my blog. I hope it hasn’t, but if it has, I’m sorry. I want to be able to write happy encouraging posts again. I want this to be a place that my readers look forward to coming and reading, but I am just having a really hard time getting that out right now.
The pain will ease and we will always have these incredible memories. I will always have his CD so that I can hear him sing when I need to. I know that God had a bigger plan for his life that was bigger than my sadness or his family’s sadness. Maybe it will be revealed to us and maybe it never will. God is always here with us (and with you). He is holding our hands. He will get us all through this difficult time as we grieve the loss of this incredible life.
With all of that being said, I’m ready to get out of this funk. I wear my emotions on my face. I’m tired of looking and feeling so sad. I want to have joy again. I want to feel happy and healthy and present. Very present. It isn’t fair to my husband or my son. I need and want to get out of this for them.
I’m giving God the glory for healing, whether it be in life or in death. I’m giving God the glory for healing our broken hearts, because I know he is doing that a little more every day.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”